Sunday, December 27, 2009

To My Dear Ex-Neighbors...

Happy Holidays to you!  I'm so sorry to hear of your troubles.  I understand that you're beside yourselves with embarrassment that your daughter refused to stay in the loveless marriage that you had forced her into.  Well, I hear the wedding was a lovely extravaganza, and wasn't that the point afterall?

Ah but, Brenda, you got used to a loveless marriage didn't you?  You swore that the only reason you would leave George was if he screwed around.  And when he was arrested for "peeping", during his nightly "alone" time.  You all but slammed the door in my face when I offered you help.  It must have been quite a blow to your dignity to be offered help from the like of me.  But when you couldn't ignore his affairs with neighbors and friends, you became a drunk.  Was that how your daughter was supposed to deal with her marriage as well?  You were so ashamed of your weight trouble, you made sure that she never had the same problem.  At least she didn't disappoint in that area.  That must be a relief, especially now that a few years have past since your gastric bypass, and you find that you're packing it back on again.  At least you can point to your beautifyu

Yeah, she's been a handful alright.  Couldn't stay in the Army because she couldn't go cold turkey on the anti-depressants during basic training and still hold it together.  Personally, I didn't think that she belonged in Iraq.  But I know you would have relished the posthumous purple heart had she been able to keep it together long enough to make it to the war.

And the eating disorders.  I remember how you bit my head off saying that she was just doing it for attention.  And you were right.  The anorexia, the cutting, and the nervous breakdown was all to call your attention to the fact that she grew up being big brother's sex toy.  Oh, yeah, you told her never to speak of that again.  Afterall, he was just a teenager.  But, oh!  I hear that you're terribly disappointment with her now that her anorexia has left her sterile.  I honestly didn't think that it meant that much to you since you never took her to the doctor when at 17 she still hadn't had a period.  But Brenda, she managed to stay pretty and skinny just like you insisted she be.   The must be a relief since now that it's been a few years since your gastric bypass, you find your packing it back on.  At least you can point to your beautiful, slender and childless daughter, and say I made that.  After all, you did, indeed, contribute heavily to all she is now.

But your lucky, you have your son to look to for grandchildren.  He not only married a girl who already had a child, but I hear that she is pregnant with his baby now.  Did they get her baby back after that two week drunken binge they went on and get completely forgot about their lives, their jobs and her child?  I hear the graduated rehab though.  See you have so much to be proud of!

If there are any granddaughters in the picture, you might want to mention your son's proclivities to his wife.  Been then if you never cared much about your daughters well-being, why would you bother about you grandchildren.  After all, just because your son cut it sexual teeth on a prepubescent girl doesn't absolutely guarantee that he developed an attraction to young girls.

I heard about your Christmas gift to your daughter.  The box of rocks. Because that is all she is to you.  Something load and does nothing.  Oh and those family game nights when you all get together with your son's new family and actually pretend that your daughter doesn't not exist to the extent that you don't respond when she talks to you.  I honestly believe that you are trying to push that fragile girl over the edge.  Then you can bask in the sympathy of your family and co-workers.  Instead telling her that she should go to jail because she smokes some pot from time to time, you should be in jail for your reckless indifference to her well being and torture.

I think you messed up there.  I think that instead of all that, you should given her this for Christmas.  Should kneel in front of her and beg her for forgiveness.  Apologize that they sacrificed their daughter's soul just to keep appearances.  That it was more important to them to try to convince people that you had evolved past your backwood upbringing.   That her own mother had traded her own dignity for a cheating, peeping child of a husband and a bottle to crawl her skinny butt into every night.

The they would rather parade their daughter's ex-husband in front of the family when they made the yearly trek home for Thanksgiving.  You need to beg for her mercy that you had the nerve to profess there ashame of her instead of themselves for never caring when you cried out for help in so many ways for so many years.

You should beg to me forgiven for telling her that she was selfish to throw away her marriage to a man to only planned to love her after he had ridiculed her, abused her and molded her into the woman that he could love.  Beg her forgiveness that you didn't kick his ass instead of force her to marry him.  You should beg her forgiveness that you all the money that you raked in over the years awarding government contract and sending her to college instead of paying for a big wedding and you building your garage band studio.

You should beg forgiveness that you favor your alcoholic son who taught his little sister all about sex, over her. That you never withheld your love from him during the years he spent in a drunken stupor, throwing away every opportunity that you handed to him.

Beg her forgiveness for all the times you never stood up for her against those that degraded and hurt her.


And that promise that you will give everything you have to give her a fresh start at a new life.  And that you will never place your pride above her happiness again.

Oh, and by the way.  Us lowlife's that you looked down on for all those years...  Just so you know, our kids are doing well,  Our daughter is working and going to college... getting good grades.  We managed to keep her off the pole! (Oops, sorry, didn't mean to rub it in.)  And the boys are doing real well, the Eldest runs a petroleum site in Africa, and the youngest is engaged to a school teacher with two kids and he is earning industry awards in his field.   And, yeah, they aren't perfect, and we weren't perfect parents, and that is OK.  The thing that they did grow up knowing is that our love was unconditional and that we would do everything in our power to help them through their hard times.  We made it through the hell of mental and physical health issues, dealing with each heartbreaking head-on..  And I think that we are stronger now than ever.  And we know that no matter what may strike us next, together we have the strength to make it through.

It's not to late for your family.  If you ever decide that it more important to be honest and face the hard stuff together, than to keep up appearances.  Maybe you could then experience real happiness.

That's what I wish for your kids.  For you, I believe you deserved your unhappiness, it's a hell of your own making.  But you still need to take responsibility for it and stop blaming the victims.  I hope you spend the rest of your life struggling under the burden of your guilt.

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